I've arrived.

That's it. I've finally made the big time. I received an offer in the mail to consider membership to the Beverly Hills Country Club, whose board of governors include:

• Buzz Aldrin
• Jimmy Connors
• Merv Griffin
• Leslie Moonves
• Jim Nabors
• Matthew Perry
• Tom Selleck

So, I don't need to be snide about this; I was more in shock, to be honest, but I realized that what most likely happened is that someone got a list of Google employees in Los Angeles and took a chance that I was newly rich. Turns out that I'll disappoint them. Look, I can't even afford a frickin' house in Los Angeles! But hey, thanks for the offer.